I don’t want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: ‘That’s a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going…’ Ellen DeGeneres View this quote
I don’t want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: ‘That’s a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going…’ Ellen DeGeneres
Ellen DeGeneres
Funny is the world I live in. You’re funny, I’m interested. You’re not funny, I’m not interested. Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Funny to watch these Senators switching back and forth on Prohibition. Politics is a great character builder. You have to take a referendum to see what your convictions are for that day. Will Rogers
Will Rogers
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’ Jerry Seinfeld
My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’ Steven Wright
Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent? Steven Wright
Comedy clubs can be brutal. Those people are for real, and if you aren’t funny, they aren’t laughing. They don’t care who you are. Marlon Wayans
Marlon Wayans
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,’ here’s an update for you. Now 80 percent of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage. Andy Rooney
Andy Rooney
Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature’s laws wrong, it learned to walk without having feet. Funny, it seems to by keeping it’s dreams; it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else even cared. Tupac Shakur
Tupac Shakur
