Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it’s my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. Jerry Seinfeld View this quote
Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it’s my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Memory is funny. Once you hit a vein the problem is not how to remember but how to control the flow. Tobias Wolff
Tobias Wolff
Boxing is actually a more sophisticated form of hockey. George Carlin
George Carlin
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. Jerry Seinfeld
Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV. Jerry Seinfeld
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law. Jerry Seinfeld
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields
The men I idolized built their bodies and became somebody – like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger – and I thought, That can be me. So I started working out. The funny thing is I didn’t realize back then that I was having a defining moment. Dwayne Johnson
Dwayne Johnson
