Zach Galifianakis

I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.

Zach Galifianakis

I can get away with anything. But when I try to be sincere, people just roll their eyes.

Zach Galifianakis

I don’t like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That’s kind of the advantage of stand up. You’re self-employed.

Zach Galifianakis

I don’t want to do an edgy show, I didn’t want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.

Zach Galifianakis

I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life.

Zach Galifianakis

I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do.

Zach Galifianakis

I have to stop crying when I watch ‘The View’. It’s not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Zach Galifianakis

I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.

Zach Galifianakis

I once walked in on my grandparents making love… And that’s why I don’t eat raisins.

Zach Galifianakis

I think if they put a laugh track on ‘Intervention,’ it would be funny.

Zach Galifianakis