Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen

Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.

Woody Allen

My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.

Woody Allen

My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn’t exist.

Woody Allen

My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one.

Woody Allen

My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything.

Woody Allen

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

Woody Allen

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that’s what I’ve done.

Woody Allen

My heart says one thing. My head says another. Very hard to get your heart and head together in life.

Woody Allen

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

Woody Allen