Woody Allen

If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.

Woody Allen

If I got a paper cut, that’s a tragedy. If you fell down an open manhole and died, that’s comedy.

Woody Allen

If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.

Woody Allen

If my films don’t show a profit, I know I’m doing something right.

Woody Allen

If you’re born with a gift, to behave like it’s an achievement is not right.

Woody Allen

In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee.

Woody Allen

In Beverly Hills, they don’t throw their garbage away – they make it into television shows.

Woody Allen

In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten.

Woody Allen

Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?

Woody Allen

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you’ve brushed your teeth faithfully.

Woody Allen