Woody Allen

I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.

Woody Allen

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Woody Allen

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Woody Allen

I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.

Woody Allen

I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably.

Woody Allen

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.

Woody Allen

I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.

Woody Allen

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

Woody Allen

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

Woody Allen

I was so touched by her that, after fifteen minutes, I wanted to marry her and, after half an hour, I completely gave up the idea of snatching her purse.

Woody Allen