Woody Allen

I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed.

Woody Allen

I always write the same way. I always write with a yellow pad and a ballpoint pen on my bed. And then I go and type it up afterwards. I’ve always done that. Those things become habitual.

Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Woody Allen

I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law.

Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.

Woody Allen

I can do a limited amount of things and that’s what I do and I feel comfortable doing it and I have no particular desire to do anything else as an actor.

Woody Allen

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

Woody Allen

I can’t do anything to death, doctor’s orders.

Woody Allen

I can’t enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

Woody Allen

I can’t fight. I was once run over by a car with a flat tire, being pushed by two guys.

Woody Allen