W. C. Fields

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

W. C. Fields

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

W. C. Fields

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

W. C. Fields

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W. C. Fields

I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

W. C. Fields

I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

W. C. Fields

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

W. C. Fields

I drink therefore I am.

W. C. Fields

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

W. C. Fields