W. C. Fields

If there’s a will, prosperity can’t be far behind.

W. C. Fields

Where there is a will, there’s prosperity around the corner.

W. C. Fields

A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

W. C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields

I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a b*tch, I forget it.

W. C. Fields

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

W. C. Fields

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

W. C. Fields

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

W. C. Fields

A man who’s intoxicated all the time doesn’t need sympathy.

W. C. Fields

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

W. C. Fields