Steven Wright

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Steven Wright

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Steven Wright

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Steven Wright

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

Steven Wright

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Steven Wright

Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Steven Wright

It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.

Steven Wright

It seems like we wake up and it’s a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, ‘What the hell am I doing?’

Steven Wright

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.

Steven Wright

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Steven Wright