Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Steven Wright

Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘Up Over’?

Steven Wright

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it’s dangerous.

Steven Wright

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

Steven Wright

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Steven Wright

I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

Steven Wright

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

Steven Wright

I didn’t want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.

Steven Wright

I don’t go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it’s contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.

Steven Wright