Steven Wright

In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you’d get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it’s hard work, almost harder once you’re successful because you’ve got to maintain it.

Steven Wright

It usually helps me write by reading – somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.

Steven Wright

Light travels faster than sound. Isn’t that why people appear bright before you hear them speak?

Steven Wright

The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.

Steven Wright

The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse who gets the cheese.

Steven Wright

To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It’s commenting or observing or twisting life.

Steven Wright

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Steven Wright

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Steven Wright

43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Steven Wright

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Steven Wright