Rodney Dangerfield

I shouldn’t tell jokes about my wife. she’s attached to a machine that keeps her alive… The refrigerator.

Rodney Dangerfield

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid’s picture that came with the wallet he bought.

Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, it’s not easy bein’ me. Well, last week my house was on fire. My wife told the kids, ‘Be quite. You’ll wake up Daddy.’

Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, it’s tough to save a buck. Right now I’m supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.

Rodney Dangerfield

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

Rodney Dangerfield