Rodney Dangerfield

Me and my dad used to play tag, he’d drive!

Rodney Dangerfield

My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.

Rodney Dangerfield

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

Rodney Dangerfield

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

Rodney Dangerfield

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

Rodney Dangerfield

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Rodney Dangerfield

My mother used to rock me – and she used big rocks.

Rodney Dangerfield

My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler’s checks.

Rodney Dangerfield

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

Rodney Dangerfield

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield