Milton Berle

He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.

Milton Berle

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won’t let me plug it in.

Milton Berle

I don’t date women my age. There aren’t any.

Milton Berle

I have a file of four million jokes… I have them cross-indexed. Whatever subject you want, I have a joke on it.

Milton Berle

I just bought a great gift for my boss – a leaky ant farm.

Milton Berle

I just got wonderful news from my real estate agent in Florida. They found land on my property.

Milton Berle

I like the West. That’s where men are men and women are women, and it’s hard to beat a combination like that.

Milton Berle

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine’s Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

Milton Berle

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they’re lost.

Milton Berle

I really doubt whether evolution ever works, how then come Mothers have only two hands.

Milton Berle