Mark Twain

A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditch-digging.

Mark Twain

A friend is someone who stays in when the rest of the world has gone out.

Mark Twain

A gentleman is a man who can play the banjo, but doesn’t.

Mark Twain

A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.

Mark Twain

A healthy and wholesome cheerfulness is not necessarily impossible to any occupation.

Mark Twain

A historian who would convey the truth has got to lie. Often he must enlarge the truth by diameters, otherwise his reader would not be able to see it.

Mark Twain

A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.

Mark Twain

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn’t make fun of another man’s cross-eyed aunt.

Mark Twain

The man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

Mark Twain

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

Mark Twain