Mark Twain

In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.

Mark Twain

In his private heart no man respects himself.

Mark Twain

In my age, as in my youth, night brings me many a deep remorse. I realize that from the cradle up I have been like the rest of the race – never quite sane in the night.

Mark Twain

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

Mark Twain

In religion and politics, people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.

Mark Twain

In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.

Mark Twain

In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

Mark Twain

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Mark Twain

In the real world, the right thing never happens in the right place and the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to make it appear that it has.

Mark Twain

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

Mark Twain