Mark Twain

I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with the blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.

Mark Twain

I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They can’t be made to do it in any possible way.

Mark Twain

I played Chess with him and would have beaten him sometimes only he always took back his last move, and ran the game out differently.

Mark Twain

I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.

Mark Twain

I purpose publishing these Letters here in the world before I return to you. Two editions. One, unedited, for Bible readers and their children; the other, expurgated, for persons of refinement

Mark Twain

I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of the rest, because Aunt Sally she’s going to adopt me and sivilize me and I can’t stand it. I been there before.

Mark Twain

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.

Mark Twain

I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can’t be restored.

Mark Twain

I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good.

Mark Twain

I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes.

Mark Twain