Mark Twain

I don’t mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don’t tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.

Mark Twain

I don’t speak German well but several experts have assured me that I write it like an angel. Maybe so, maybe so- I don’t know. I’ve not yet made any acquaintances among the angels. That comes later, whenever it please the Deity. I’m not in any hurry.

Mark Twain

I don’t want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.

Mark Twain

I fell in love with the most cordial and sociable city in the Union.

Mark Twain

I had longed to be a butterfly, and I was one at last. I attended private parties in sumptuous evening dress, simpered and aired my graces like a born beau, and polkaed and schoisched with a step peculiar to myself – and the kangaroo.

Mark Twain

I hate editors, for they make me abandon a lot of perfectly good English words.

Mark Twain

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t.

Mark Twain

I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way, by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else….I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can’t reach old age by another man’s road.

Mark Twain

I have always been rather better treated in San Francisco than I actually deserved.

Mark Twain

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

Mark Twain