Mark Twain

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain

I do love compliments, yet I’m often embarrassed to say what I think to the person when I get a compliment. I so often feel that they have not gone far enough.

Mark Twain

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

Mark Twain

I do not know what we should do without the pulpit. We could better spare the sun-the moon, anyway.

Mark Twain

I do see that there is an argument against suicide: the grief of the worshipers left behind, the awful famine in their hearts, these are too costly terms for the release.

Mark Twain

I don’t believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can’t learn in Berlin except the German language.

Mark Twain

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Mark Twain

I don’t know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don’t know why.

Mark Twain

I don’t know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.

Mark Twain

I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.

Mark Twain