Mark Twain

A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way.

Mark Twain

A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment.

Mark Twain

A dream…I was trying to explain to St. Peter, and was doing it in the German tongue, because I didn’t want to be too explicit.

Mark Twain

A German joke is no laughing matter.

Mark Twain

A good and wholesome thing is a little harmless fun in this world; it tones a body up and keeps him human and prevents him from souring.

Mark Twain

A good legible label is usually worth, for information, a ton of significant attitude and expression in a historical picture.

Mark Twain

A great, great deal has been said about the weather, but very little has ever been done.

Mark Twain

A group of men in evening clothes looks like a flock of crows, and is just about as inspiring.

Mark Twain

A half-educated physician is not valuable. He thinks he can cure everything.

Mark Twain

A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray; and four times out of five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise.

Mark Twain