Jerry Seinfeld

I like money, but it’s never been about the money.

Jerry Seinfeld

I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it’s regular-sized and my muscles are huge.

Jerry Seinfeld

I love advertising because I love lying. I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to buy useless, low-quality, misrepresented items and services is an excellent use of your energy.

Jerry Seinfeld

I love being a dad. I just love it.

Jerry Seinfeld

I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.

Jerry Seinfeld

I love the day date. No wine, no shower.

Jerry Seinfeld

I only do a show when there’s somebody I want to talk to.

Jerry Seinfeld

I see TV ads about detergents that can get blood stains out of your cloths. I say if you have blood stains on your cloths you should be thinking about something other than laundry.

Jerry Seinfeld

I think of myself more as a sportsman than I do an artist.

Jerry Seinfeld

I wrote an article on a new Porsche for ‘Automobile Magazine.’ I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I’m more proud of that than anything.

Jerry Seinfeld