Jerry Seinfeld

Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.

Jerry Seinfeld

Fear of success is one of the new fears I’ve heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we’re running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.

Jerry Seinfeld

For people on my side of the cubicle, the goal is always creativity. Spending your time overcoming corporate resistance to creativity – I just don’t want to do that.

Jerry Seinfeld

Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think.

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny is the world I live in. You’re funny, I’m interested. You’re not funny, I’m not interested.

Jerry Seinfeld

Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’

Jerry Seinfeld

Having fun is a very particular skill. And not everyone has that skill.

Jerry Seinfeld

I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

Jerry Seinfeld

I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.

Jerry Seinfeld

I do a little thing about the way people shake the sweetener packet. You know, like they’re all excited. I want to get all the granules down to one end. I love all these rituals.

Jerry Seinfeld