Jerry Seinfeld

Men want to make women happy.

Jerry Seinfeld

My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time.

Jerry Seinfeld

My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what’s surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don’t know how she learned this.

Jerry Seinfeld

Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one’s really sure how to do it.

Jerry Seinfeld

Our good time is sitting in a coffee shop with a newspaper, writing a line on the back of a napkin. That is the most fun comedians ever have.

Jerry Seinfeld

People don’t think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.

Jerry Seinfeld

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Jerry Seinfeld

Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens it’s always, who’s responsible for this?

Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Jerry Seinfeld

Success is the enemy of comedy.

Jerry Seinfeld