George Carlin

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.

George Carlin

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

George Carlin

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

George Carlin

McDonald’s breakfast for under a dollar is actually more expensive than that. You have to factor in the cost of bypass surgery.

George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

George Carlin

My mother and I had a lot of distance between us emotionally, although, on the surface, most of the time, we appeared good and friendly, and all that. But I was a problem. I was a street kid.

George Carlin

Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.

George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.

George Carlin

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

George Carlin

People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it.

George Carlin