George Carlin

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

George Carlin

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

George Carlin

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

George Carlin

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.

George Carlin

If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

George Carlin

If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to lost and found.

George Carlin

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

George Carlin

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

George Carlin

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

George Carlin

If voting changed anything, it would be illegal.

George Carlin