George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

George Carlin

Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards.

George Carlin

Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.

George Carlin

Conservatives say if you don’t give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they’ve lost all incentive because we’ve given them too much money.

George Carlin

Don’t confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything’s gonna be all right.

George Carlin

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

George Carlin

Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which is usual with cattle, but to do the buying. And everyone is branded.

George Carlin

Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don’t ask for our money back.

George Carlin

For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It’s a shame everything has to have a label.

George Carlin