George Carlin

Boxing is actually a more sophisticated form of hockey.

George Carlin

Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

George Carlin

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

George Carlin

Everyone smiles in the same language.

George Carlin

Hard work is for people short on talent.

George Carlin

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

George Carlin

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

George Carlin

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

George Carlin

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

George Carlin

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

George Carlin