George Carlin

This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal.

George Carlin

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

George Carlin

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

George Carlin

War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.

George Carlin

War will end when people stop showing up for it.

George Carlin

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

George Carlin

We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.

George Carlin

When you look at the average American you realize there’s nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.

George Carlin

Whenever I hear about parents who have nine or ten children, the only thing I wonder is how they survive the birthday parties.

George Carlin

Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

George Carlin