Carol Burnett

It’s also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I’ve been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That’s why we’re here, after all, to help others.

Carol Burnett

My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too.

Carol Burnett

My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it’s not a joke, but it’s telling a story.

Carol Burnett

On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we’d sit around the kitchen table – it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top – and sing.

Carol Burnett

The audience is never wrong.

Carol Burnett

What I do when I write is I just write the way I would tell it, so it comes out just exactly the way I would talk to you.

Carol Burnett

What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don’t think I could write a novel. I don’t think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters.

Carol Burnett

When I was little I would always stand in front of a mirror and cross my eyes. Then my mother would come in and say, “Stop that, nothing will ever come of it!

Carol Burnett

When I was starting out in this business, that was the norm. You did it all. You looked around, and entertainers could dance, sing, play the piano, act, make you laugh.

Carol Burnett

You do have to love your kids enough to let them hate you. But it’s the disease that’s hating you, not them.

Carol Burnett