Bob Hope

I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

Bob Hope

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Bob Hope

Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.

Bob Hope

Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.

Bob Hope

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

Bob Hope

I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Bob Hope

I don’t know what people have against government; they haven’t done anything.

Bob Hope

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.

Bob Hope

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

Bob Hope

If you haven’t any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

Bob Hope