Bill Cosby

I’m one of those who cut off seeing people after a certain time, when the weight is gone and they sound like the dementia is very advanced – I don’t want to see that. I don’t even go in to look at the body. That’s not my last memory.

Bill Cosby

I’ve said all along I’ve never competed with ‘The Simpsons.’ Not in my own mind.

Bill Cosby

If a white man falls off a chair drunk, it’s just a drunk. If a Negro does, it’s the whole damn Negro race.

Bill Cosby

If I didn’t like poor people, why would I come and tell them how to make their lives better?

Bill Cosby

If I read the small print, and I see that what I love to taste has pantonaponamene or fake smeinlioaimine, then I have to hide in my room when I eat it. I’m still gonna eat it, it’s just gonna be ‘Don’t come in here!’

Bill Cosby

If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff.

Bill Cosby

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

Bill Cosby

If you have one of the worst schools in the city, then chances are the teachers are not going to care for you. Chances are the parents don’t feel seriously about coming to meet with teachers.

Bill Cosby

If you know two languages, the level of your intelligence is multiplied a hundredfold in other people’s eyes.

Bill Cosby

If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won’t get them. If you take them just for emergency, that’s all they’re gonna get.

Bill Cosby