Andy Rooney

Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

Andy Rooney

Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.

Andy Rooney

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It’s sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn’t hurt.

Andy Rooney

Finding the tool is often half the battle.

Andy Rooney

Flying is always an unpleasant experience. You wait an hour for every ten minutes you actually spend getting anywhere.

Andy Rooney

Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.

Andy Rooney

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Andy Rooney

Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

Andy Rooney

I am not retiring. Writers don’t retire. Writers never stop writing.

Andy Rooney

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

Andy Rooney