Andy Rooney

No matter what any of the grammar teachers say, punctuation is an arbitrary matter. It should be used to make sentences clear.

Andy Rooney

No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.

Andy Rooney

No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.

Andy Rooney

Numbers are the most certain things we have.

Andy Rooney

Numbers tend to give the impression that there’s more order in the world than there is.

Andy Rooney

Once you pass forty, a dime isn’t worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.

Andy Rooney

One of my major shortcomings – I’m vindictive. I don’t know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It’s a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened.

Andy Rooney

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.

Andy Rooney

One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.

Andy Rooney

People waiting for an elevator don’t know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.

Andy Rooney