Andy Rooney

I’d like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there’s something going on in mathematics that I don’t understand, and I’d like to find out what it is.

Andy Rooney

I’m already suspicious of anyone who thinks he or she is smart enough to be president. You’d have to have some ego to believe that about yourself.

Andy Rooney

I’m always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.

Andy Rooney

I’ve done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I’ve complained about, I can’t complain about my life.

Andy Rooney

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

Andy Rooney

If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

Andy Rooney

In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.

Andy Rooney

In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don’t want to know something, you go and ask him and he won’t tell you.

Andy Rooney

It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.

Andy Rooney

It’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.

Andy Rooney