Andy Rooney

I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who think they like our country more than I do. Some people’s idea of patriotism is hating other countries.

Andy Rooney

I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.

Andy Rooney

I don’t pick subjects as much as they pick me.

Andy Rooney

I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.

Andy Rooney

I just wish insignificance had more stature.

Andy Rooney

I like ice hockey, but it’s a frustrating game to watch. It’s hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.

Andy Rooney

I like Valentine’s Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don’t dare let the day go by without making an offering, whether you mean it or not. Money exceeds affection.

Andy Rooney

I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.

Andy Rooney

I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.

Andy Rooney

I’d like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off

Andy Rooney